


Not Strong Enough to Stay Away

by verywickedwitch



Category: Agent Carter (Marvel Short Film), Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 14:56:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6810067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verywickedwitch/pseuds/verywickedwitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s been coming back to her time and again forgetting her name but instinctively feeling he needed that, feeling his place was not in the narrow cryogenic chamber, not in the HYDRA’s labs — but there, beside that vaguely familiar woman. His place and his… h o m e.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's the translation of my own story originally written in Russian — https://ficbook.net/readfic/4177054.  
> Please, let me know if you notice any mistake. I'll appreciate that so much! <3

Thick darkness has almost occupied every millimeter of the half empty loft located under the roof of a three-storey building somewhere on Brooklyn’s backstreet. A single ray of the lantern, hardly forcing its way through the narrow holes between the planks which the only window of this apartment is boarded up with, wanders along the walls and falls tiredly on the broad bed. Near the woman who sits on its edge.

Not so long time ago there has been situated a — supposedly furniture — factory which turned out to be a secret enterprise producing some dangerous weapon. The enterprise has been successfully shut down, every corner has been thoroughly searched, and every possible evidence has been confiscated to be delivered later to the SSR office for processing and sorting. The warning sign on the ribbon hanging as garlands on all the dusty windows and doors has been scaring away the uninvited guests and killing their desire to get inside.

But not Peggy Carter, who came there another evening and was waiting for the return of the only resident of that building which could hardly be called home and which, yet, appeared to be it. It appeared to be home for the one who’s been now hunted by all of her colleagues and all the agents of the organization where he’s been named the Winter Soldier and where, not without Carter’s diligence, he’s managed to finally escape from. Strangely enough, it’s become home for her too. In this spacious room simultaneously serving as the bedroom, the drawing-room, and the dining room; the room without lovely wallpaper with flowers and lacy curtains on the windows, without comfortable soft chairs and fluffy carpets on the floor — there she felt at home much stronger than anywhere else.

Perhaps, even in more Spartan conditions, she would still feel the same warmth and she could confidently say she was at home — if only He stayed beside her. A ghost, a perfect hired assassin who leaves no tracks and witnesses — for everyone. Formerly, seemingly a few lives ago, Bucky, the best friend, and reliable brother-in-arms — for Steve. And for her he was James… the past and the present, the forbidden and at the same time so right, the pleasure and the pain which filled the former burnt desert inside her like a fast-flowing stream.

Because after every such secret meeting and those few hours during which Margaret experiences the feeling so close to happiness and even more strong, this more-than-happiness invariably gives place to the sense of guilt. For living and being happy in peacetime while Rogers has perished before the war’s end which he so desperately tried to achieve — and he even sacrificed his life for the sake of that noble aim. He perished not getting to know his closest friend was alive and not finding him again — whereas she’s found.

And she doesn’t want to let him go.

The hatch cover which leads to the concrete ground in the open air opens plodding along and catches Peggy unawares, makes her quiver being surprised. She puts a half empty glass of red wine on the floor, near the almost not broached bottle borrowed from Howard’s private collection. Gets up and, stepping over the taken off shoes and the helplessly sprawled on the gray cement jacket, quietly approaches the noise source.

Down the simple short ladder, James comes down towards her.

She can’t make herself call him Bucky. Only Steve called him so. Moreover, there’s nothing left of a free-and-easy merry fellow he used to be until the tragic accident which led him into HYDRA’s lair in this severe man she’s looking at now. That’s why Carter always calls him by his full name sometimes shortening it to the tender:

— Jay, — says the woman gently and the same way gently touches the Winter Soldier’s arm. She smiles being sincerely happy about the long-awaited meeting.

Not talkative Barnes is taciturn not only of words — he doesn’t show his feelings as well. Yet, when his arms — common and giving the waves of cold bionic one — lie on her waist and masterfully pull her over closer, when the man’s and the woman’s gazes meet, Carter realizes her happiness is absolutely mutual.


	2. Chapter 2

The day they met for the first time after the war’s end, after Steve’s death, James was like a beast at bay. He dashed aside from the slightest hint of the most harmless touch, didn’t allow to come near him closer than by a meter… didn’t let himself be caught by her.

Margaret’s been taming him bit by bit. For more than a year. She’s been waiting patiently, nevertheless managing to find the clues to his possible location which wasn’t easy. She’s been tracking him down in the breaks between the missions risking her job and her life, rushing to the so infrequent and so short meetings. Having revealed that the damned Nazi bastards with their barbarous experiments the object for which he’s become have taken all the memories from the sergeant, time after time she’s been persistently trying to make up for this loss. She’s been doing her best to make him remember at least something.

And he did.

He remembered her and then began looking for the encounter himself.

And for the answers to the infinite number of questions tearing his mind to pieces, and also tormenting his fragile memory ready to crumble into the millions of icy splinters, the memory which recovered after the permanent procedure of brainwashing with difficulty.

He’s been learning all the answers from Peggy who didn’t get tired of telling the Soldier who he was and who he still continued to be deep in his heart even if not remembering it over and over again.

He’s been coming back to her time and again forgetting her name but instinctively feeling he needed that, feeling his place was not in the narrow cryogenic chamber, not in the HYDRA’s labs — but there, beside that vaguely familiar woman. His place and his… home.

For the first time, James didn’t pull himself back and didn’t drop into a defensive position following his reflexes when he remembered Steve and got to know about his fate. At that time Margaret just took a step forward and embraced the motionless brunet, standing in front of her and staring fixedly from under his frowning brows, firmly. She didn’t know the better way to show her support — the words would help in no way. He made no move, he didn’t embrace her back. And, however, didn’t step away.

After a few more meetings Barnes let hold his hand quite willingly by that time, later — he let touch his shoulder gently, and finally, when Carter once reached forward to press her lips against his cheek at parting — an unexpected “misfiring” happened. The man also reached forward, and their lips suddenly closed up in a kiss.

Just as this moment. And many times before.


	3. Chapter 3

Not interrupting the kiss, Peggy takes off James’ jacket and unclasps her fingers letting it fall down on the floor silently. She puts one of her arms around his neck, the other picks up the edge of a dark shirt, and her fingers run over the heated skin — from below upwards. When her palm freezes just where his heart beats faster, the Winter Soldier covers it with his own and in a moment grasps her wrist — literally — in an iron grip. 

She doesn’t feel pain at all; in the beginning, he may have underestimated his force squeezing too firmly and pulling too harshly, but now there is no problem with it anymore. The loft’s owner turns his guest round in one precise movement unzipping her carmine dress, and a fine veil of silk slides down like a smooth wave.

His fingertips draw a line around the roundish rough scars on her right shoulder — the mark of an enemy bullet — which he touches with his lips a moment later. This very affecting ritual makes Peggy’s heart tremble every time — more and more as James’ warm and soft lips move from her shoulder to the neck and his hot breath burns her skin in contrast to the cold touches of the metal arm which has easily dealt with tiny clasps and found its haven on woman’s breast no more covered with black lace. 

Margaret turns round to face the man and in a few seconds gets rid of his shirt. 

— You’re injured, — she says with a troubled expression on her face noticing a long thin cut on his right side, not too deep, already crusted with caked blood. 

— Never mind, — waves away Barnes and doesn’t let her say anything against it kissing her on the lips.

When the gaps in his memory filled, when James realized what he’d lost because of HYDRA and which terrible things had to do because of it again, he decided not to dismiss that out of hand and to settle accounts with those who’d been turning his life into the absolute hell during the last few years. And Carter made no attempt to stop him persuading not to waste time on the meaningless revenge which wouldn’t fix anything anyway; quite the reverse — she did whatever she could to help him find the required characters. 

Yes, unfortunately, no one of them is able to go back to the past and prevent the inevitable. But it doesn’t mean the villains should stay unpunished. 

What one of their former agents has been doing to them for a month by this time is an easy execution, too merciful, and they deserve no mercy, indeed. 

His old environment is a new mission for the Winter Soldier. And he kills them one by one — in cold blood, not making much noise, quickly and neatly. Margaret is never present there but for every their secret meeting she brings a light-brown folder with the file temporarily taken from the SSR archives — a new target. She looks through the pages of printed papers with handwritten notes and the picture of another future corpse who’s going to be talked about in a few days by all their office, drinks wine and waits for James’ return. 

Once or twice sergeant came back with the bullet wounds and she extracted the crumpled pieces of metal from his bleeding forearm carefully bandaging it for him later. On the next “date” there was no sign left from those wounds; perfected regeneration was one of the advantages of the Super Soldier status which HYDRA had rewarded him with.

So this minor cut is really nothing. 

The woman runs her index finger across the crimson line on the tanned skin making sure there is nothing to worry about.

And standing on tiptoe breathes out in his ear: 

— I’ve missed you so much.

How exactly — she’s going to show.


End file.
